my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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