i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
