what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
