Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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