seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
