The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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