he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
