the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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