there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
