not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
