I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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