the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
