I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
