I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
