why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
