Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
