Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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