Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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