I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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