What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
