ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
