i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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