I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize