someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
worst night to have a conscience
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
