By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
