How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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