we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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