omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
