There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
