I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dear god my vagina.
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