he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
