operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
