Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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