just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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