I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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