During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
