at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
