Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
