I CAN MOONWALK!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish you could order shots online.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
