Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Found your dick twin last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
