is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
