I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
