She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
