we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
