Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
