i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
