Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
