Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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