Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize