We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
