his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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