Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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