Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
