Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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