There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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