hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
