Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
