booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
