just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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