i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
