ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
