Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Screwed.edu
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize