I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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