I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
