:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
