I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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