the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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