Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
