A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
