I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Randomize
