Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
