I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
