saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
honey bunches of taint.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
