One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
