Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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