Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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